It has been nine years since that horrible Valentine’s Day. It is still hard to say or feel like I have gotten over your passing (physically, mentally, and emotionally). Every day, all I ever yearn and long for is to satisfy this physical aspect, to fulfill my five senses of you. The way I saw you as a person, the taste of the great dishes you used to make, the sound of your reassuring voice, smell of your very essence, and the unique touch only a mother can have. I remember the last thing that I wanted to do in the hospital was to hold your hand because even though I was young and even though you’d be in my heart forever, I knew for the rest of my life, physically, I wouldn’t be able to have you there. Calluses and all, I try to remember this feeling of your hands because it would become my reminder that until the day that you left us, those hands and those feet were put through all your hard work and hardships you endured just to love and raise your three boys. All I can do now is to work just as hard, to grow calluses just as thick, to love just as big, to hug just as wide, smile just as bright, and endure just as great as you did.
&Though I can still pray to you, or talk to you, or type about how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I would do anything right now just to ‘physically’ HUG you momma.
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” - Pablo Picasso
See everybody’s working to hold on to what they know
So I guess I kept belive in my tonight will never go
Some spend a lifetime searchin trying to figure out
When hell stops and heaven begins
How soon is now?
